This morning, days after I came home from Ethiopia, I struggled. Arms bent, knees nestled into my upper arms and hanging on for dear life, abs tight, back rounded, the foundation of my hands gripping the bare floor below, gaze slightly ahead of my hands...welcome to crow pose. When my life is going easily, I enjoy incorporating tons of yoga into my fitness, but when life is discombobulated, yoga is a struggle. I hold my breath and have violent body convulsions, not to mention the fact that I get angry... very angry. The teacher always utters those dreadful words: "Trust the Process". And that is where I fail.
Life off the mat is the same thing, a process. We will never be perfect, nor will our circumstances. We have times when we seem to be hitting all the marks and times when we're just marking it (dance term for faking it). All in all, it is a process. Life is a process of finding our marks, followed by the process of aiming and hopefully hitting our marks. We seek out education, careers, a mate, partnership for life, things that will set us apart and yet allow us to still blend in...life becomes far more complicated than ever intended.
My week in Ethiopia was far less complicated than the life process itself. First, I had no Internet. It was as though my vein had ruptured, but eventually I healed and got over it. There was no rigid agenda there either. Each stop wasn't about making money, but rather, making connections. There was no makeup and no hiding, simply being. It was refreshing, to say the least.
It is the return that is always hard. How does life continue? What do you do with those ideas, callings, thoughts, etc.? Just like my crow...you trust the process. There isn't an ounce of emotion happening that wasn't thought out and intended long ago. As we process, things arise and must surface for us to deal with them. What about those things we have held to for so long? What about the career that God says you have excelled in, but it's time to move on? What about the plans you thought you had laid flawlessly? What happens when the process doesn't go your way? Can you still trust in it?
It's easy to unroll our life mat and step on with confidence when things seem to be going our way. The real growth comes when we unroll the mat even when we know what is to come will be unfamiliar and possibly painful. Sometimes, the process is painful. There is pain we must face in life to grow us to our particular calling. If we spend our lives running from pain, we may never know what we are truly here for at all! I, for one, am not willing to risk that. Pain is a necessary part of the overall plan. We endure the pain of shots so we can be vaccinated from what we perceive as certain evils in health. Pain causes growth...running from it will keep us in the confused state we reside.
What pain do you face today that holds you back? What are you afraid to step into? Maybe you feel like this is your go-and-see moment, but you're scared. Welcome to the club! This is what I do and I still get nervous before flights. I did find that gummy bears can calm my nerves this time though :). Maybe your fear is that if you follow what God is calling you to do then you will lose everything. Well, in the reality of things, nothing is ours to hold onto. PLUS, He does promise that His ultimate will for us is for our good (Jeremiah 29:11). Don't confuse good with riches here people, you'll be disappointed.
So, what holds you back from dealing with these fears? Remember, God has a great plan for your life. YOU could be the one to set change in motion, even for one person. That person you affect may go on to change others. There is no limit to what God can do in and through you! Well, perhaps the limit really is right in front of us. Don't try to limit God through your own fear. Face it, admit it and move through it. Make a change that will last more than your lifetime.
Michelle
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